Do Not Get Caught With the Princess Flashlight for Halloween

Andy Darnell —  — Leave a comment

Hey Dad

Halloween is about 3 weeks away. By now, you’re trying to figure out the best way to scare the neighborhood teenagers who will be tormenting the little kids.  You’re probably trying to figure out how you’re going to create that Lego MiniFig costume that you promised your wife that you’d construct for the kids. You’re probably mad at yourself because you have probably gone through the candy that you said that you were going to save and give out that night… well maybe not too upset, but at least you know you’ve got to go replace $20 worth of candy because you ate half of it while nervously watching the Falcons play the Seahawks.

But while all this is going on, I want to talk to you about your flashlight situation.

You’re not going to go trick or treating with your usual flashlight are you? Are you really going to use that Cheap 99 cent flashlight that purposefully got left in the Dodge Grand Caravan that you bought last from the dude on Craigslist. Are you? You know the one I’m talking about, right? It has battery corrosion inside, the lens cover is cracked down the side and it only puts out enough light to be able to look at your feet in the dark.

Plus it smells oddly like 3 month old spoiled chinese food. Remember  that strange soy sauce like substance leaks out from it and gets all over your hands and clothing?

And I KNOW that you’re not going to steal your daughter’s Disney Princess flashlight on Halloween, right? C’mon. Having princess giggle sounds happen every time you turn it on has to be one of the more embarrassing moments of your life. Besides, she’s 4 years old. You’re really not going to deprive your daughter of the one night a year that it is actually useful for her to have a flashlight, right? I know that it seems to be the only flashlight in the house that can be found during power outages, but you have some time to resolve this problem. Let this post be a reminder to you to take the time now to ready yourself for Halloween.

Man Up!

It is time to get a real flashlight. Whether you opt for the tried and true MagLite that you can use to fight off the neighborhood pitbull if he comes at you, or if you go for one of the newer LED lights that have tactical like focus that can throw a beam against an object hundrends of feet away. Get one that has a steel, aluminum or stainless steel body that is weatherproof, and can withstand the elements. These things will even continue working if you drop the thing from 10 feet.

So… you’ve got three weeks to remedy the situation. Get the right tool for the job and be admired by the other dads in the ‘hood.

 

Just do it. If you need to convince your wife of this need, just show her the Pink MagLite and promise that you’ll pick one up for her too.

Sincerely,

Your Howard Brothers Hardwarian

PS… You may be interested in more of the flashlights that are available at TrueValue.com.

 

Andy Darnell

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